DAY 30 with Teresa Ann:
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Gasping for the next breath, I woke up with heart aching grief. The weeping and the wailing coming out of me was so strong, my physical body just shook. I had never experienced anything like this before. It was one of those moments where I was “coming to” from a dream.
Have you ever had that? I have with giggling, but never with a cry so deep that when I wailed, my daughter woke up with such concern. She said, “Mommy, what’s wrong?” And I cried saying, “My heart hurts so badly.” And as soon as I said it, I knew she would think I was speaking of my organ, not my soul.
As I began to “come to” even more with the groanings that wouldn’t stop, I was able to say with much grievance, “It’s not physical pain. God is healing my heart.”
Like I said before, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. However even in this moment, it only had me pointed back to scripture when I remembered, I Kings 8:39, as Solomon is praying and one of the things I caught in his prayer was this, “…for you alone know each human heart. Then they will fear you as long as they live in the land you gave to our ancestors.”
There was a fear of the LORD replacing the deep parts of my heart that housed such deep rejection and bitterness that I had no idea about. A serious moment of GOD excavating out of seeming nowhere. I hadn’t prayed for it. I wasn’t expecting it. Yet in all of it, there was this experience that collided with what I knew, yet never truly knew. And it was this, “GOD is so mindful of you and I.”
Out of all that HE is handling with such care, HE took HIS moments to heal a part of my heart that had been so hard. He truly turned a heart of stone into a heart of flesh at that moment. It was like the circumcising of my heart. A sensitivity that is now so vibrantly aware of the goodness of GOD. And yet all this time, I had been functioning with what I thought was so well. And yet GOD in HIS great, tender mercies knew better than that.
Now here was the big kicker. When I was coming into consciousness from the dream, a dear friend of mine Jodi and her son were in the dream as my Comforters. They didn’t say a word. They were just simply and profoundly present. Standing there as representatives of Comfort. It was as though GOD had sent them by HIS Spirit to comfort me while HE performed surgery. Yet all the while they had no idea they were even being utilized as vessels in my life. For it was as though they were in that dimension of the spirit. I’m not saying that this is what it was; but it’s the only way I know to convey the intangible as tangible.
All in all, on Saturday, May 25, 2019 at around 6 am, The LORD shone the light on the deep parts of my heart that were so wounded and rejected. The weeping of hurt and great pain turned into a cry of cleansing as though it were a healing balm drenching the wound while flushing out the residue of darkness. The deep wail turned into a cry of gratefulness as healing began to overwhelm my heart. This divine heart connection with my friend Jodi and her son blew me away. It wasn’t about them or me as much as it is about GOD’s great mercy in sending ministering laborers even as HE performed a creative miracle within my soul.
REFLECTION OF THE WORD WITH HOLY SPIRIT:
Psalm 8; I Corinthians 2:9-12; Jeremiah 17:9; Romans 2:25-29; Ezekiel 36:26
- This GOD who is so mindful of us as expressed in Psalm 8, are there areas of hardness within your soul that you want HIM to heal?
- HE is so ready and incredibly gentle. What are you learning about WHO HE IS, even in this?
- If you are one WHO feels at times you don’t want to bother GOD because HE has a lot going on, do you see how even in the story I share that HE is so patient?
- Please go to HIM even right now as HE says, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden [distressed, troubled, in great need], for I will give you rest.”
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